The Friendship Factor by Alan Loy McGinnis

Here are some great lessons that I learned from The Friendship Factor

Assign top priority to your relationships

Cultivate transparency

• If we build more windows and fewer walls we will have more friends.

I must make an intentional decision to give my opinion on as little as possible.

• Giving your opinions on everything in the name of ‘honesty’ is a foolhardy way to live.
• Part of prudence as well as courtesy to keep our opinions to our self.

“Our opinion of people depends less upon what we see in them than upon what they make us see in themselves”

Speak ill of no man, but speak all the good you know of everybody.

Learn the gestures of Love

Build great rituals into our family life.

One of the best ways to deepen a friendship is by eating together.

Accumulate good memories by helping a friend with a task.

The art of giving gifts

The ripple effect of kindness

Someone has said that the test of great men and woman is the way they treat little people.

Develop the habit of looking for gestures that build goodwill, kindliness, love and appreciation.

Create space in your relationships

My goal in every encounter and conversation must be to build people up.

• They must feel better about themselves when they are in my presence.

Be cautious with criticism

People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be not nag them to be.

God himself does not propose to judge a man until his life is over.

Employ the language of acceptance

Listen without judging.

• “Interesting, tell me more about it?”
• “I’d be interested to hear your point of view?”
• “This seems like something important to you”

Encourage people’s uniqueness.

Your loved ones will have unique projects and if you love them you will love their projects.

In all our relationships we move together and apart at various times, like a dance.

Children are not properties to own and rule over, but gifts to cherish and care for.

Children will increase whatever behavior gets them attention, even if it’s negative attention.

If you train your mind to search for the positive aspects in other people, you will be surprised at how many good things you can observe in them and comment upon.

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

Schedule leisurely breaks for conversation.

The secret of being interesting is to be interested. When you ask questions that the other person will enjoy answering and you encourage people to talk about themselves An astonishing kind of connection usually occurs.

‘The road to the heart is the ear.’ Voltaire

Good listeners

1. Listen with their eyes.

2. Dispense advice sparingly.

• Don’t give people advice unless they ask for it.
• Sometimes you shouldn’t even give it when they ask for it.

3. Never break an confidence

4. Thank those who are open with them.

Tears are the noble language of the eye.

A personal relationship is not predicated on solutions to problems or answers to questions. Our top goal should be to understand each other, to get close to each other, experience each other.

Talk about your feelings and not your friend’s faults.

Stick to one topic.

Allow your friend to respond.

• If you are unhappy with someone you have the right to express it,
• But you also have the responsibility to stay and hear the other side.

A true apology is more than an acknowledgement of a mistake.

• It is recognition that something you have said or done has damaged a relationship and that you care enough about the relationship to want it repaired and restored.

Quotes

Criticism

Right now I am having so much trouble with D L Moody I don’t have time to find fault with the other fellow.

Listening

‘The road to the heart is the ear.’ Voltaire

Crying

Crying opens the lungs, washes the countenance, exercises the eyes and softens down the temper.

Tears are the noble language of the eye.